Milk...What the f*ck!?

So, a man, one day, in the very distant past, was prowling through a forest, when he sees a large bovine creature. He readies his posture, feels the wind, checks his stance, launches his spear and with that, the large bovine falls dead and all those pre-historic guys in loin cloths had a lovely steak.

After a while, these large, cumbersome bovines were getting annoying to kill, so they were caught and enclosed, they were kept and fattened up to provide available food that could be fattened to order, and of course their hides could be utilised for clothing or throw cushions or whatever.

Then a female had a calf...And it suckled...and some filthy fucking pervo thought "I've gotta get me some of that!" and we've been slaves the stuff since.

While there is no doubt it is an excellent source of calcium, so is a piece of raw calcium metal, but you wouldn't eat that would you? It is rich, and nutritious, yes, but there's no denying that when you spill it on something, it smells like a homeless for ages and when you drink too much of it cold it makes your gut feel, for want of a better, more legitimate word, ICKY. Let's not forget that horrible lactic aftertaste too, and the way it seems to coat your mouth with a thin slime layer or fats.

We take a lovely cup of freshly brewed black tea, with a bit of sugar for sweetness, all very acceptable...and then we drizzle a mixture of minerals and fats sucked by machine from a cows grubby nipple; and most sickening of all, we drink the stuff.

The reason I say this is because, after a long lay off without it (since the missus doesn't like it) I have recently indulged in a couple of sips of milk here and there...and while before I may have enjoyed it purely out of habit, now I feel rather like you do when you catch sight or whiff of that one tipple you always avoid...You know the one, it tasted different, and you had it at a party or do once, and you were stone dead drunk in seconds, vomited everywhere and vowed never to drink again...You never meant 'never drink again' you actually meant 'never drink that shite again'. In my dad's case it's amaretto, in my case ouzo, you smell it, and it makes you feel instantly sickeningly drunk just to catch a glimpse of it from across a supermarket. That is how milk makes me feel now. It's acidic lactic tang, the slimy mouth feel, and the smell all combine to make something that tastes as bad as it looks. I mean, you rarely dare drink a cloudy liquid and yet this one is thick with suspensions and yet we gulp it down with aplomb...

...Thoroughly disgusting thank you...I'll wait for it to go off and have me a yoghurt...I love yoghurt.