Work Is The Curse of the Drinking Class

Here in the UK, we have this phenomenon known as 'binge drinking.'

The media, i.e. fun loving hipsters hanging out in fancy london wine bars, will have you believe this is when lower class scumbags spunk their welfare benefit money on cheap fizzy alcohol in order to get as desperately drunk as possible. Once drunk they will usually fight, and then ladies wearing belts for skirts fall out of cars in a knickerless state and show everybody their nether regions, which generally have an untoward odour and a disease.

This media picture is a little bit of a misnomer. You see, the London based press have to spend about £6 for a 125ml glass of wine. They, therefore, do not go out, as it is too expensive. This means they spend most of their time indoors supping cheap supermarket plonk and getting hammered in the comfort of their own homes.

What is different between the two things? Well, nothing. Except one is a lot more shameful than the other, and that is sitting at home alone and drinking. One is indicative of a societal problem with alcohol attitudes but the other is indicative of a personal problem with it.
Thus, in order to cover up their own borderline alcoholism, namby-pamby journos in their nylon suits, with their paperchase notebooks conjure up fear-mongering stories about how ritual date-rape and debauchery is commonplace on Saturday nights in town centres...IT IS BOLLOCKS.

I've been around several town and city centres on weekend nights, in some cases joining in, and in some cases just passing through. I myself have scarpered from the police and, in one case, nearly vomited on one officer's shoes before insisting we go joyriding. I have been so drunk I have accused my girlfriend of being involved in a global alien-cover up conspiracy citing "I've seen X-Files!" As my evidence. I've seen tarts stumbling about, I've seen guys batter each other and I've listened to two drunk folk having a quicky on a balcony near my former residence...which was nice...

What I see is not a societal problem of a group of yobs not knowing when to stop, but the indication of a society that doesn't know when to stop, full stop! These are people working upwards of 40 hour weeks, whether they need the money or not. These are people with very few public holidays and with holiday time off week being desperately short. Where personal lives are put on hiatus from 9-5 every weekday, and you could still be on call at weekends, or working shifts, or nights. What I see is a country when Sunday isn't even sacred anymore, and everything has to be open, and everyone has to work.
Work, work, work...It's all we get fed in this country, and the government encourages you to work hard...They do so because the harder you work the more tax they rape your bank account of. Let's face it, it is a form of rape. They forcefully penetrate your paycheque, and you, under duress, have to give something up. With so little time to relax is it little wonder that a majority of people go out at weekends to get absolutely smashed?
Not really is my opinion. I've done the 9-5 life and it made me want to drink myself into oblivion.

I bring this up because, this week the government announced a plan to have a minimum price-per-unit on alcohol.
Wow, what a wonderful scheme, they'll definately set the bar low in this current economic climate, won't they!? Erm...Not quite. It seems they want to push prices of even cheap plonk up, and this means you could pay pub prices for the honour of drinking in your own home! What's more, who decides what a unit of alcohol is? I can remember when one pint of lager, ale or normal strength cider was one unit...and I can remember when it was 3 units, but I don't remember an inbetween, meaning that, I assume, the government department that decides how much alcohol makes a unit, changed their minds.
So what this means is that the government would set a minimum price per unit on alcohol, a unit system which they control. And while this does not necessarily mean there is increased tax, I'm pretty certain alcohol is subject to VAT. Meaning that in this scheme there is only one winner.

The thing is, I can see we have a problem with drink in this country, but that's because of how much it is villified. People look at you like you've just inappropriately touched their child if you order an alcoholic beverage with your lunch; but are perfectly happy to down 'shots' at the weekend. Some businesses now have random drug and alcohol testing and have a zero tolerance attitude to alcohol in the workplace...yet come Christmas they'll buy in bulk the kind of degradingly cheap juice that makes people get merry and hump bareback on the photocopier.
The double standard is so ridiculous that people fail to notice that many other countries and cultures can deal perfectly with alcohol.

When I went to Italy, I could buy litre cartons of wine for a little at half a euro. Half a euro, at the current exchange rate is about 49p. 49 of The Queen's Great British Pence for ONE LITRE (about 2 pints) of wine! You can barely find a can of cheap lager for that price in Britain. Yet when I was in Italy I never got confronted by a xenophobic gang of miscreant youths, all supping from cheap cartons of wine. Nor did I see drunked old crones thoughtfully mumbling into their cans. I saw no sleazy slags falling as much out of the clubs as they were out of their clothes and I saw no public scuffles. I did, however, see a lot of people drinking; and quite a few people drinking quite a lot.

The difference was that these people were doing that drinking in a long space of time, and I joined in! There was food involved too; those Italian fellas love their grub and it's easy to see why. Food and drink is like sea and sand, like Torville and Dean, like Butch and Sundance. Without one the other is nothing. Even the Russians, fabled for their boozy antics, usually eat small nibbles with their vodkas.
But these cultures also don't work stupid hours, don't have red tape smothering everything they need to do and do have a relaxed attitude to work, if not life in general. Especially Italy. While in the UK, everything has to be 24-hours; in Italy, everything can be 24-hours, but it isn't. Because between the hours of about 12 and 3 very little happens other than eating, drinking and napping. People wake up, the go to work, they spend a few hours not giving a fuck about their job (except the Carabinieri, who would gladly spend 24-hours a day dressed up like a slightly more homosexual version of C.H.I.P.S) they then go to lunch (which is allowed, i.e. not taboo, to include wine) and then have a nap.
Last time I had lunch while at work it was three pre cooked chicken drumsticks. Most people I know go for the sandwich, and some just pop to KFC. And do you know what? I FUCKING hate that. It shows a lack of respect on behalf of our employers and, as it happens, social attitudes are generally forged by the rules. Therefore, alcohol is taboo before 5pm, and generally taboo before Friday (unless it's a special occassion) but after 5pm on a Friday, alcohol is the main food group to enter your body until work the following Monday morning, where everyone in the office/shop/wherever you work tries to one-up the next person's hangover; although inevitably the person who wins is the one who doesn't go to work on Monday.

It just all seems so easy to scapegoat the booze rather than the businesses; and this is the most upsetting thing. In this country, we seem to be obsessed with the quick fix, the government thinks we have a problem with smokers, they try to price smokers out of the habit and put harsh messages on the boxes. The government thinks we have a drink problem, they try to price us out of buying drink and tell us how much damage it will do to our liver. The government thinks we've got a weight problem, they tax chocolate. An environment problem, raise fuel prices...

...See a pattern. See problem, raise price of 'cause' of problem...Is it any wonder bankers are losing sleep when people are being bankrupted for living normal lives. The government sees little problem with 60 hour weeks, half hour lunches and extended opening hours. They also see no problem with the fact that harder working working-class people have their pay docked moreso than those who work less, despite the fact that them working more implies they need the money more.
Well, vote me for prime minister and I'll do something about it. Until then I can only suggest that next time you go to lunch, go to the supermarket, get some good ingredients for a meal, get some wine, cook, eat, have a few drinks, go for a snooze, and go to work a few hours late. When the boss asks where you were, be honest, and tell them they can join you next time (not the nap...bit sexual). Only if we turn our bosses over to a more mediterranean attitude can we get away with the sciving we wish we were cool enough to do.